The Boredom Chronicles
by LFMPMD
Summary: Seeing I'm horid at summaries, I'll give you like a one sentance thing: it's a story about random things and total OOC-ness.


Hey guys! I finally got an idea for some new stuff. It's going to hopefully be good, and I'm warning you, kinda really random. Really, really random as a matter of fact. That's just the kinda mood I've been in as of late.

And I'm sorry in advance if this disturbs anyone.

Disclaimer- I don't own Harry Potter or anything else in this fic, seeing it's a random parody from a very bored teenager that doesn't want to do her homework.

The Boredom Chronicles

Chapter 1: The Price Is Right, Hogwarts style

Draco Malfoy sat in a large, elegant chair that was being carried by Crabbe and Goyle over the grounds of Hogwarts. "Faster you buffoons! I need to get to the lake immediately. My queen awaits." The two numbskulls quickened their pace and carried their blond leader to the lakeside. When they had arrived, they put the chair down and Draco stepped out. "Ah," he sighed, "what a wondrous day!" He said spinning in a circle, arms extended. The truth was, there was torrential rain along with thunder and lightning. "Reminds me of the good days before mum started drinking all the time cuz dad was shagging anything that moved." He hopped up to the covered pavilion that stood at the water's edge.

Inside, was a beautifully decorated naughty toy shoppe, where the baht mitzvah of the non-Jewish Hermione Granger was being held. Hermione stood behind a podium staring blankly at her guests. When she saw Draco, a large smile shot onto her face. "All right then, let the proceedings begin!" She raised an arm and the lights in the room went out. A few lights came down from the ceiling, yes the ceiling of the pavilion, which is a tent.

Over a loudspeaker was an announcer guy. "You have waited all year for this momentous occasion, and now . . .the wait is over!" A superfluity of screams and shouts came from the audience. A spot light shone on Hermione, who after a quick costume change, went from a cute pink blouse and black knee-length skirt to a form-fitting low cut red dress encrusted with rhinestones, she had an obnoxiously large and cheesy smile on her face. The announcer guy continued, "Yes, the time has come for . . .THE PRICE IS RIGHT!!!!" The stage lit up revealing the Price Is Right set. "Harry Potter: come on down! Severus Snape: come on down! Draco Malfoy: come on down!" Harry gleefully frolicked down to the stage, Draco motioned to Crabbe and they carried his chair down, and Snape skulked quite unhappily. The three contestants made themselves comfortable at the three podiums set up for them. "Now for your host or should I say hosts: Fred and George Weasley!"

The two Weasley twins jumped up onto the stage, brandishing their best smiles. "Thank you, and welcome to our little show!" Fred began and then George continued, "We have to admit, this isn't your mum's Price Is Right." Then Fred said, "We don't exactly play by the rules here at Hogwarts, you see, there will be, a great variation to the normal game. And why doesn't own lovely model, Hermione tell us all about it."

"Oh, I'd be glad too. All right, first off, you will not be guessing prices of stupid items like that lobster thing they had in the old days. You will be guessing the street value of narcotics." She paused for a moment, and Ron complained that it was unfair that he never gets to play the games he's good at. She brought out a cart chuck full of drugs. The game began, and Harry got the first few correct. But as the show progressed, he started sucking, royally. Ron could be heard in the background ever time Harry had made a mistake, 'did you learn nothing of what I taught you? This is atrocious! Percy would do better at this than you!' and such things like that. It turned out that Malfoy and Snape were neck and neck after they eliminated Harry by throwing him into a big vat of tapioca pudding.

To basically tell you the outcome of the game, the last item was placed in front of them, and Draco said $17,354.42 and Snape said $17,355.01. As you can see, they were very close. "All right, Fred, let's find out who our winner is!" George took a card from Hermione saying the actually street value. "Well George, it appears that our winner is none other than: the one and only, amazingly handsome and incredibly smart, Harry- just kidding folks! Poor Potter is still having trouble in the tapioca, but the winner of the Price Is Right, Hogwarts style is . . ." He paused for a good ten minutes just to piss everyone off. Hermione cleared her throat, and looked at him disapprovingly. "All right, the winner is Draco Malfoy." And this last sentence was said in a very unhappy monotone, if that's even possible.

Draco jumped in the air with extreme satisfaction. "I beat you Snape! Now what are you gonna tell Uncle Voldie and the others at the annual dinner next week? Huh? Not that you got beat by a seventeen year old? Oh, that's too bad, cuz it's the truth!" He giggled for a few seconds, "Hey Weasel, what's my prize?" Fred smirked with delight.

"Well ol' chap, you see all the fun things you guessed the value of?"

"Yeah."

"Well, you don't get to have those because I don't like you. So you get to go back to the Slytherin Common Room dressed in these lovely ass-less leather chaps, and you get these toys," he showed a nice little array of sex toys, "but the only person in the Common Room is Pansy and we all know how much you love that little bitch, so go have some hot, kinky sex!" Draco fell to his knees and proceeded to cry.

"But she's so disgusting and vile. I'd would much rather have sex with Granger or even Potter before touching that cow." Hermione secretly smiled.

Then George shot Fred a glance and instantly they both knew what to do. "Okay, no Pansy then. We have a better idea." George picked Harry up out of the vat of tapioca, "here you go mate," then Fred pushed Harry into Snape's arms, then Snape to Draco, "hope you have loads of fun!"

The three were transported to the Slytherin Common Room, much to Draco's dismay and were locked in for three hours. No one knows what happened in there except for the three unfortunate people, but what we do know is that when they were let out, Harry didn't have any tapioca on him, and Snape was wearing the ass-less chaps.

"So Draco, did you have fun in there with the toys, Harry covered in tapioca and Snape?" Hermione inquired.

He shot her a glance of fear and disgust. "I think I want to throw up." He said as he leaned against the wall.

"What? Did you have too much tapioca?" Ron chimed in.

"I wasn't involved in any of the festivities today." He then slid down to the fetal position. "Thank God for that."

"What? You mean it was just Harry . . .and Snape?" Hermione said. Draco nodded slightly. "Oh God, ew, oh God, oh God. I think I'm going to throw up!" She sat down next to Malfoy and they sat there in silence for ten minutes.

"You guys are boring. I'm leaving." Ron said as he went down to the Greenhouse four, where Fred and George were having fun with the objects that were used in the game earlier.

After sitting there for a few moments, Hermione looked over at Draco, "what happened with Snape and Harry? And how did he get the chaps off of you anyway?"

"Well, I took the chaps off right after they locked us in, and Snape quickly snatched them up. I then hid in a corner in the fetal position while Snape licked the tapioca off of Harry. I don't think I will ever be able to look at either of them again."

"Is that all that happened?"

His eyes widened, "no. But I really don't want to tell you or you'll probably throw up for an hour or something."

And yet again, the silence ensued, and Hermione tried not to think of what had happened that had made Draco so upset. She just couldn't do it though. "Draco?" He looked over at her. "Wanna make out?"

Deciding not to question this, he replied, "sure." He then pounced on the curly haired girl, and they made out for a good half hour until Ron came back, obviously higher than Mount Everest, and when he saw what was going on, he freaked out.

"What the bloody 'ell are you doing 'Mione?!?! You're letting Malfoy touch you!" He continued to rant incoherently for five minutes while Hermione and Draco continued to make out, then he passed out.

A short while later, Draco and Hermione got up and started to head to the Forbidden Forest. "Should we help him or something?" Draco asked as he took her hand in his.

"Nah, he'll be fine."

"Oh, okay then."

As they entered the forest, they could hear Harry screaming in horror, "oh my god that was the creepiest thing ever I was licked by a pale potions master!" They both cringed and quickened their pace to get out of earshot of him. They continued on their merry way for twenty minutes, and stopped when the trees had thinned out a little.

"Well, what do we do now?" She asked playfully.

"Hmm, I dunno."

"I can think of something." She said as she pressed herself against him.

"Oh really?"

--

So, I guess on The Price Is Right, there are four contestants, but I wasn't sure so I left it at three. Anyway, if you want to find out want Draco and Hermione decide to do whence they're all alone in the Forbidden Forest, you'll have to wait until next time, because I feel like making you wait. So, until we meet again!


End file.
